Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
