just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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