Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
being pregnant is like rehab
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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