Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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