You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
