everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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