What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
