So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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