he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
