come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize