It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
