i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
