I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
