worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
