I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
