he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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