if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
