the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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