Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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