Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
