So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize