If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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