I must be too annoying 4 u.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize