I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Randomize
