So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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