Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Randomize
