his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
