roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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