I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Michael Bay diarrhea
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
