i may or may not be watching the land before time
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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