His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
