I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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