The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
