You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
