Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize