I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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