I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Mom said you looked used
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
