The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
