My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
