YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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