You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Randomize
