for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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