My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
