I wish I could teleport
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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