I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
