just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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