Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
