I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
