Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
