It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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