I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
