his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Randomize
