There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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