The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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