You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
