You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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