took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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