I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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