i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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