He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
