He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
