i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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