Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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