just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
