I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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