Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
