we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
porn star boner night. come get it.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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