I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
