I met the friendliest cop last night
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this boner is exhausting
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
