is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
