"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
