the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
