my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
