3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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