and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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