I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
