Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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