I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
