doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize