Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
