I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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