I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
