Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize