she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
