u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
