I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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