How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
