I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
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