I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
