Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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