6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
