you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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