Tell her she can't have a vagina
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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