Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
