Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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