im about as happy as oj after his trial
well you can't waste a boner
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
