Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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